what makes a good parents?

In "The Glass Castle" I can read that the way what Jeannette's parents treat their children is unique and a little bit cruel, but useful. Her mom thoughs that people worried too much about their children. Suffering when you're young is good for you, she said. It immunized your body and your soul, and that was why she ignored her kids when they cried.
In the databases "What Makes A Good Parents", I can read that to be a good parents, there are have ten competencies that predict good parenting outcomes, which is love and affection, stress management, relationship skills, autonomy and independence, education and learning, life skills, behavior management, health, religion and safety. I can see that parents' ability to manage stress was a good predictor of the quality of their relationship with their children, and also, people who have taken parenting classes produce happier, healthier and more successful children.

For instance, my cousin, yikai, he is a good and mature boy, even she is only eight years old. Mycousin lived with me after he was born. He did everything that we told him, like turn the light on/off, get napkin, wash dishes, maybe it is nomal, but a lot of children would not do it when their parents ask they to do, just like my another cousin-yanyan. She does not do anything that we ask her to do. She always answered"why don't you do it by yourself? you have your own hands, don't you? I think that was really naive.