Professor Martin
English 114B
10 April 2012
Domestic Abuse
Our life is becoming perfect, but it will never be. In fact, in every country, every city, they all have some inrooted social problems which is so hard to be solved, but we all still need to do our best to improve these problems. We each have something important we can be and do in the world, something can make one feel that he or she is really doing useful things. In the film Pay it Forward, I learned a simple way to change the world from a young boy in the film, which is do a needed favor for three different people without being asked, and then ask them to do the same for three others. In my own opinion, I think it is also useful for domestic abuse. Although it seems like Trevor's idea does not work at the beginning of the film and it is unclear whether it works at the end, actually, his idea is useful for every social problem including battered woman, because people are linked to each other anyway and if someone has been helped by other people, then he or she will help someone else who needs help, and in fact, battered women is becoming a big group and it is so hard to thoroughly solve this social problem.
Domestic abuses are forms of physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, verbal abuse, and economic abuse.To be specific, abuse include name-calling or putdowns, keeping a partner from contacting their family or friends, withholding money, stopping a partner from getting or keeping a job actual or threatened physical harm, sexual assault, stalking, intimidation, etc. There is much information online about the domestic abuser. The data shows the total number of domestic abusers in U.S which are horrendous. "Approximately 33 million or 15% of all U.S. Adults, admit that they were a victim of domestic violence. Furthermore, 6 in 10 adults claim that they know someone personally who has experienced domestic violence"(Thehotline). In fact, there are still some people who feel ashamed to admit that they were a victim of domestic violence, so this data is not quite accurate. One other data that is shocking is that domestic violence is much more awful than one thinks. This data shows "Each year, intimate partner violence results in an estimated 1,200 deaths and 2 million injuries among women and nearly 600,000 injuries among men. On the average, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends every day"(Theholine). It is hard to imagine that there are more than three women who are killed by their husbands or boyfriends everyday. In women's life, husbands or boyfriends are the people most close to them, they rely on their husband or boyfriend to live and they regard their husband or boyfriend as their everything. But many have been found to be the ones who murdered their girlfriend or wife.
The causes of domestic violence are consist of culture, family history, alchohol and substance abuse, ignorance and ego. Some cultures support wife battering, especially in Africa. In fact, in old China, a woman were junior than a man, they need to do everything what their husband told them to do, they could not revolt their husband and if their husband cheats on them, they could do nothing but face it and do not say anything about it. It is really unfair, and women did not have any power at that period. About family history, which is means a male child who grew up watching their mother being hit by their father, when they grow up, they think it is normal to hit their wife, and this is called long term environmental effect. A lot of men has no control over their emotions after they abuses substances and achohol. Some of abusers choose to behave violently to get what they want and gain control. "Their behaviour often originates from a sense of entitlement which is often supported by sexist, racist, homophobic and other discriminatory attitudes"(womensaid).
When the reverse is true, women could cause tragedies as well. A lot of examples can prove that some women went too far at first. I knew a woman in my hometown who was having an affair, and was found by her friends, and then her friends reminded her husband to keep a watchful eye on her, but her husband just did not believe she would cheat on him. By the way, her husband was a multimillionaire in my hometown and he was respected by everyone because he was a man of honour. One day, when his wife thought he was on a business trip and took her cicisbeo back to her house, her husband suddenly came back home because his meeting was canceled, and then tragedy happened; a gentleman suddenly became crazy and killed his wife and her cicisbeo, and at the end, he committed suicide. They had a six year old boy and millions of dollars in family property, but almost one night, they became a tragic topic, everybody was discussing about what happened to them and why he did this, because he was pretty rich and a lot of girls wanted to be his mistress. He could choose a hundred ways to solve this problem but he had chosen the worst way. On the other hand, if someone can help him instead of telling him the cruel truth at first, I believe he would not do that at the end. Forced to accept the truth, he chose to believe his wife when his friends told him that his wife was having an affair but he totally was wrong. His wife was the one who had been with him for over 15 years, they had a cute child, and they had everything they needed, so maybe this was the reason why he got so angry and became out of control. People would get crazy when they hear the cruel truth. I think his friends should be responsible for it as well. As we can see that they never tried to help but watch, and they admitted that they were jealous of them too much and wanted to see their life would not be perfect anymore.This is a combination of ugly human natures which can be seen everywhere in reality. If they could tell him that his wife was not that good to him and could let him accept the truth slow, I think this tragedy would not be happen. Differently, in the film Pay it Forward, the young boy both helped his mother and his teacher to be together because they all needed each other. His mother was battered by his father all the time, and his teacher was disfigured because of what his father did to him. If the young boy did not want their partents to be separated and did not help his mother and his teacher, they would never be together without the young boy. So he reduced two tragedies. But the most important reason give rise to domestic abuse is still because of man. Male privilege operates on an individual and societal level to maintain a situation of male dominance, where men have power over what they want and gain control. Their behaviour often originates from a sense of entitlement which is often supported by sexist, racist, homophobic and other discriminatory attitudes. In this way, domestic violence by men against women can be seen as a consequence of the inequalities between men and women, rooted in patriarchal traditions that encourage men to believe they are entitled to power and control over their partners(womensaid). The reasons women stay in abusive relationships typically fall into three categories, which are lack of resources, responses by services and authorities and traditional thinking. Lack of resources means "most abused women have at lease one minor child and many abused women are not employed outside the home"(womensweb). Responses by services and authorities are including "clergy and social workers are trained to "save the family" rather than to stop violence"(womensweb). And the most important reason is traditional thinking, which is "many women do not view divorce as a viable alternative, many abused women do not accept the notion of single parenting. They believe a bad father is better than none at all"(womensweb). "Many victims externalize or rationalize the reasons for their abuser's behavior, casting blame of circumstances such as stress, financial hardship, job stress. Chemical dependency, etc"(womensweb). Everyone in the world is not perfect, but we still need do our best to each other, like to parents, to friends, even to strangers. Domestic abuse is a serious social problem and it is getting worse. In current society, everyone has their own pressure, like students worry about their academic achievement, adults are worry about work, salary, rent fee, living expenses, etc. Some men release their pressure by hitting their wife and their child. Even we have nothing to do with society, we still need try our best to decline battered women and child abuse. Everyone is human being, they all have soft heart. About those abusers, society has a responsibility to teach them how to release pressure, and how to be nice to their wife, and if they make no rectification after criticism, then they should be break the law to justice.
Work Cited
"Hotline." Abuse In America. Web.
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